


Rewrite The Stars (Ethan X f!MC)

by choices_kaavya



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25763338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choices_kaavya/pseuds/choices_kaavya
Summary: Ethan and Kaavya's thoughts when Ethan literally ran away to the Amazons.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart)
Kudos: 6





	Rewrite The Stars (Ethan X f!MC)

**Author's Note:**

> One curse word and a lot of angst. Be prepared with tissues.

**Kaavya**

**_You know I want you  
It's not a secret I try to hide  
I know you want me  
So don't keep saying our hands are tied  
You claim it's not in the cards  
Fate is pulling you miles away  
And out of reach from me  
But you're here in my heart  
So who can stop me if I decide  
That you're my destiny?_ **

I wandered the halls of the hospital aimlessly, my mind not where it is supposed to be. I was about to leave, when I heard a few nurses speaking in hushed tones.

 _“Has anyone seen Dr Ramsey? I haven’t seen him for days now.”_ I heard one of them ask.

 _“Oh! Don’t you know? He left for the Amazons. There’s an epidemic raging there.”_ Answered another one.

I couldn’t believe my ears. After everything that we went through together, after those two nights we spent together, he left me. Without so much as a goodbye.

I felt the tears forming in the corner of my eyes and I took off running, in the direction of Naveen’s office. He was the only person who could provide some answers to me at that moment.

“Dr Valentine?” I heard Naveen’s voice.

I looked up to see him standing in the doorway of his office. I had not even realised that I had tears already flowing down my cheeks.

“You have heard, haven’t you?” He asked, worry evident in his voice.

“Please tell me it’s not true, Naveen. He can’t leave me like this. Not after everything that’s happened this year.” I said. Fresh tears were beginning to blur my eyes. I lowered my head down, willing myself to not cry in front of Naveen.

“I told him to talk to you before leaving. He didn’t listen to me.” Naveen told me.

“When? W-when did he leave?” I asked him. My voice was quivering with the effort I was putting in to not cry.

“Three days back.” He answered me.

I gulped audibly, realising what exactly had happened.

That night, before my hearing, we both had established how much we both wanted each other. The only thing that had stopped us till then were his morals and ethics. The fact that he was an attending, my superior and my mentor. 

He took back his job at the hospital after my win. Naveen was also regaining his health. But taking back the job meant only one thing for us, separation. We could no longer pursue each other romantically. 

I remember that f.M.R.I. scan I did on him all those months back. I remember his response about how he felt about romantic relationships. But I also remember the look in his eyes back in Miami, back in his apartment and back when we decided to have each other for one last time before everything went back to how it used to be. I remember how every time I made it clear to him that I was ready to give up my job if it meant to have him in my life, have him by my side.

**_What if we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine  
Nothing could keep us apart  
You'd be the one I was meant to find  
It's up to you, and it's up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
So why don't we rewrite the stars?  
Maybe the world could be ours  
Tonight_ **

I had taken the T to get home. After the shattering realisation that Ethan was, in fact, running away from me, from _us_ , I found it very difficult to bring myself to enter the shared penthouse. To be in the room where we spent our last moments together would be too much.

But still, I took in a deep breath, put on my most convincing brave face and unlocked the apartment. As soon as I entered, I saw Jackie, Elijah and Bryce lounging in the living room watching some sci-fi movie while Sienna was prepping for dinner. 

“You look like hell.” I heard Jackie saying.

“Yeah, not the best day at the hospital.” I replied, hoping that she didn’t realise that I had been crying.

“Kaavya… go, freshen up. Then we all can have dinner.” Sienna said while walking over to me.

“You guys eat. I’m not in the mood for dinner. I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.” 

Without even a single glance at my friends, I walked over to my room and slipped inside. As soon as I closed the door, I leaned against it, letting my body sag downwards. Tears flowed through my eyes while I choked on my sobs, trying not to alert the four sitting outside.

Ever since spending the night with him in the NICU to tend to Baby Ethan, I knew somewhere deep in my heart that Ethan Jonah Ramsey would become a very important person in my life. But never in a thousand years had I imagined that I would end up falling irrevocably in love with him. He was the man who had inspired me to get through med school, to get into internal medicine. He was my mentor and I was his mentee. Life couldn’t possibly have dealt such crappy cards to anyone else. It was always me who compromised on the things that brought me happiness.

After Miami, there was no denying that I had fallen in love with my mentor. The kiss in Miami also indicated to me the fact that this was not a one-sided thing. The painful yearning that I saw in Ethan’s eyes after he stopped us from going any further remains deeply etched in my mind. I told him we could try to be together and no one had to know. But his flimsy morals had to come in between.

I remember the argument we had in his office a few days after Naveen’s announcement giving me the diagnostics team position. I can never forget the way he pulled me to him when I jabbed at him with my finger, the way he held me tightly, as if his life depended on it. The moment he said **“You belong to me!”** in his anger, a shiver went down my spine. But his next words immediately shattered my heart into a million pieces. The constant reminder that we couldn’t be together always burns a hole in my heart.

**Ethan**

**_You think it's easy  
You think I don't want to run to you  
But there are mountains  
And there are doors that we can't walk through  
I know you're wondering why  
Because we're able to be  
Just you and me  
Within these walls  
But when we go outside  
You're going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all_ **

I have been working here, in the Amazons, for the past one and a half days. I know most people back in Boston would be considering this as bravery, but with how smart my Rookie is, I’m sure the moment she would find out about my abandonment, she’d be able to see right through it. She would be able to see that I, in fact, ran away from my feelings for her, from us.

When I first saw Kaavya’s application, I knew she'd make an exceptionally good doctor. I still feel guilty about the way I tore her to shreds on her first day. The evening before Dolores died, I saw her for who she really was. A smart, compassionate, dedicated, kind and headstrong young woman who would go to any lengths to ensure that her patients are taken care of. And that opened a space in my heart that I didn’t know was there. I still can’t put a finger on what it is.

Since that day, no matter how hard I tried, she would always be there in the back of my mind. Staying away from her and trying not to give into my desires was mentally and emotionally exhausting for me. 

And then Miami happened. Before the kiss, I had never thought about just how far I was gone with her. After having barely controlled myself from having her then, staying away from her physically pained me. The secret glances and touches that we shared had such a huge impact on me. For god’s sake, I was even dreaming about her at night.

The night before her hearing… I couldn’t stay away from her any longer. Suffice to say that it was one of the best nights I had had ever since quitting Edenbrook. When she turned up at my apartment the next day, that too with a cure for Naveen… I had never been that happy. It’s because of her that I still have my mentor, my father figure with me.

Sometimes I think what would we have been like if I had not taken my job back at the hospital. We might have been dating like a normal couple. No complications, no pains, nothing at all. Just blissful companionship. 

But I can’t think about these what ifs now. I can’t wish for this bliss anymore. I just can’t have that happiness with her if I want to mentor her to be the best doctor she can be. Her career and growth is way more important. Plus having a relationship with her… it would go against every single moral and ethic of mine. 

My morals and ethics were the reason why I stopped dating Harper after she became Chief of Medicine. She was my superior. And now I’m in a similar situation with my Rookie. I’m her attending. If we date and it comes out in front of the hospital, she would never be taken seriously. People would take her as just another intern who slept with her attending to get the diagnostics team spot. And I just can’t put her through that. No way is she going to go through that after what she went through because of her backstabbing friend, Dr Olsen.

Am I falling for her? For my Rookie? Ever since the day I told her that she belongs to me, this question has been constantly popping up in my mind. I remember when she asked me what I thought about love and attending-resident relationships. Now I question my own beliefs.

_“Alright… What do you think of attending-resident relationships?” She asked after thinking for a few moments._

_“I’m sorry.” Her question had taken me by surprise._

_“You heard me.” She said._

_“Attendings are responsible for the management and training of the residents. That has to take priority.” I said after giving it some thought. “Romantic entanglements… interfere with that. We’re doctors. Any intimate feelings are just neurochemical responses to heightened stress and frequent exposure to each other.”_

_“Riiiight.” I knew she could see right through me then as well._

I try to shake these thoughts from my mind. I can’t love her even if I want to. I can’t jeopardise her career. That is why I ran 5000 miles away from Boston… from her. We need a reset. 

**_What the fucking hell?! Get a grip Ramsey!_ **

With that I go back to my rounds.

**_No one can rewrite the stars  
How can you say you'll be mine?  
Everything keeps us apart  
And I'm not the one you were meant to find  
It's not up to you  
It's not up to me  
When everyone tells us what we can be  
How can we rewrite the stars?  
Say that the world can be ours  
Tonight_ **

_Few days later..._

It’s been a week since I arrived here to fight the epidemic alongside some other doctors. Today is my first day off since I officially started treating patients. I had not planned to take any day offs because any time that I have to myself would lead to me thinking about her. But as my colleagues said, I do need some time away from all the death and despair that’s been caused by the epidemic.

As soon as her name crosses my mind, I find myself drifting to a certain memory. A memory which changed our relationship forever.

_“Let’s get you inside.” I said while rubbing her shoulders to provide some warmth. However, she took my hands, lacing our fingers together and led me back into our room._

_But as we entered the room, reality kicked into me and I hesitated by the sliding doors that led to the bedroom._

_“Ethan?” She asked._

_“We… can’t. We can’t go further. We’ve already crossed a line.” I told her, even though it ripped apart my entire being._

_“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, hurt evident in her emeralds._

_“Of course not, not in the slightest. You…” I trailed off. Then with a heavy heart I said, “ No, I did. I shouldn’t have let this happen. And it can’t happen again.”_

_“What? Why not?” I could see the tears beginning to form._

_“I’m an attending, and you’re an intern. You’re in the running to join my team. I’d be your boss--”_

_She cut me off. “So?”_

_“It’s unethical. And it’s complicated.” I told her. I had never thought saying these words would hurt so much. But with her… it just did._

_“Ethan… No one would have to know.” She told me. A tear rolled down her cheek._

_I almost went on to wipe it off, but then controlled myself. “We would know, Kaavya. We would know.” After a few moments I added, “I need to be able to push you to your limits. To help you become the doctor you want to be. The one I know you can be. I can’t do that if I…”_

_“If you… what?” She asked with furrowed brows._

**_If I fall in love with you…_ **

_I shook my head, angry with myself for letting my self-control slip._

_“I’m sorry. I should have stopped myself before…” I said, my mind not really in the conversation anymore. I couldn’t even look into her eyes knowing how much hurt I had caused. She didn’t deserve any of it. “We should call it a night. You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”_

_“Ethan!” She called after me as I walked into the other part of the suite and closed the door._

Ever since we returned from Miami, staying away from her became even more difficult. My eyes followed her every move no matter how much I tried to focus on my own work. Whenever she would be around, my heart wanted to just leap out of my chest. There would be this physical tug, telling me to go over to her, to wrap my arms around her. 

And then the two times that I slept beside her became enough to get me addicted to her. Every night since going back to being professional has been hell for me. Staying away from her turned me into an insomniac. 

That last night with Kaavya? All I wanted then was for the time to freeze. I didn’t want the night to pass and I totally didn’t want to let go of her. But for what it's worth, her career, her growth as a doctor is far more important than what we want. But in all honesty, if I could find a way to go around this and date her, then I would take it up without a second thought. That night, with her, was the last time I actually slept properly. Whenever I try sleeping now, there’s this unexplained emptiness that plagues me. 

**Kaavya**

**_All I want is to fly with you  
All I want is to fall with you  
So just give me all of you_ **

The past week has been… well… interesting. It helped me get some insight into my situation with Ethan as well. I have already been on two separate blind dates courtesy of Jackie and Kyra, even though they have no clue about it. Sienna and Elijah have been a huge support though. I’m glad that I confided in them. The whole thing was just eating me up so bad. 

As for the dates… I didn’t enjoy it. Maybe my past self would have. But not my present self. As soon as I met the men, wait no, _boys_ , I subconsciously began comparing them to Ethan. Even though they talked about interesting stuff, my mind wandered to how Ethan and I would talk about all things medicine for hours while we worked on Naveen’s case. Whenever their hand so much as brushed against mine, I would suddenly miss the warmth that Ethan’s touch provided me. By the time the second blind date winded up, I realised it had always been Ethan. I was so far gone with Ethan that loving somebody else felt _wrong_.

I was on the graveyard shift today. And knowing that not many people were there in the hospital, I quietly walked over to his office, and using the spare key he had given me, I slipped inside. The sight of the room instinctively reminded me of the many hours that we spent here together, trying to figure out something that would help Naveen. 

Before I could realise it, tears began rolling down my cheeks. I tried to keep it down but gave it up as a futile endeavour, letting the sobs wreck my whole being. And all I want right now is to have him by my side while fighting everything that life threw at me. I want him by my side while I celebrate every small victory of mine. I want him to hold me when I’m low and I want to do the same for him. 

**_I want to feel safe again. I want to feel loved again…_ **

**Ethan**

**_It feels impossible (it's not impossible)  
Is it impossible?_ **

I went for a ride on my motorcycle to clear my head. It has definitely made me realise that my decision to leave Boston, to leave her was the worst decision of my life. I had thought that maybe putting distance between us would help me get over what I feel for Kaavya. But all it did was make me realise just how important she is to me. 

Few months ago, if someone would have told me that I would end up falling for my own mentee, I would have laughed right in their face. Love, marriage, kids… these never held an importance in my life. That is, until Kaavya showed up and tore every barrier of mine. Now I dream about a future which is not just medicine. A future with her by my side.

This future would have been possible if she wouldn’t have been my mentee. It would’ve been possible if one of us had been working at some other hospital. But that’s not the case. I made this choice with her career in mind. Now I need to live through this.

**Ethan and Kaavya**

**_Say that it’s possible_ **

Why did we have to meet like this? Why do we have to be one of those pairs of star crossed lovers? Had we met in better circumstances, we could have possibly dated like normal people!

**Kaavya**

**_How do we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine?  
Nothing can keep us apart  
'Cause you are the one I was meant to find  
It's up to you  
And it's up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
And why don't we rewrite the stars?  
Changing the world to be ours_ **

Loving Ethan will always end up with me hurt. But still, here I am, ready to get hurt a million times. Until now, I had never been in any serious relationship where I could say that I was in love. I just don't know what it is about the man that made me fall in love with him even though I knew it would never be possible.

I had always found the stories of star crossed lovers romantic yet sad. But never in a thousand years did I think I would be in one myself. I had always sympathised with Romeo and Juliet. But now I can actually feel the pain they must have gone through not being able to be with each other.

Every night I keep on imagining what life would have been like if we would have been together. Maybe if I had not been chosen for the diagnostics team position, we might have gotten a chance to live this wishful thinking of mine. Taking Jenner for walks, going to Derry roasters together while holding hands, spending day-offs together, wrapped up in each other's arms. 

I wish there was a way to rewrite destiny, to rewrite our lives the way we want it.

**Ethan**

**_You know I want you_  
It's not a secret I try to hide  
But I can't have you  
We're bound to break and my hands are tied**

I’m an idiot for thinking that I could ever forget her. I can barely take day-offs because every minute to myself is spent thinking about her lovely face, laughing at something silly. 

So many questions trouble me. Now that I have left her, will she move on? Leave me for someone who could love her the way she deserves? Would she probably move on with either that scalpel jockey or the handsome EMT? Have I really lost her?

Every time I close my eyes, her face would be in front of me. All the memories that we have made together flash by. AM I really doing the right thing? Will she ever forgive me for my cowardice? Can I ever have my happily ever after with her?

No! No, I can’t. I can’t have my happily ever after with her. I have to put my feelings at bay in order to mentor her properly and push her to be the best doctor she can be. She is one in a million. If making her a good doctor means losing her, then I _will_ bear with it.


End file.
